Ok, so normally I like to express my feelings and thoughts but today I just feel like reflecting on the recent months in my life and maybe see how far I have come, maybe even evaluate where I am going and where I have been.
Therapy for my anxiety and depression ended, and ended quite a while ago. I had cancelled two appointment you see, which basically meant I was to be automatically discharged. Now I take full responsibly for missing my two appointments one was cancelled due to me hurting my foot whilst playing football, I walk everywhere since loosing my car and at the time I was still being ruled by my “anxious self”, I just couldn’t get on a bus. The other was cancelled as I had an interview which didn’t go to well but thats a story for another time.
Now how these two cancellations differ from the two times my appointments where suddenly moved and cancelled is beyond me but that’s the way we help our mentally ill these days, lets just give them more pressure and things for them to toss and turn over nightly, maybe even some homework, why not that’s got to help …
In all honesty I think being discharged from that place was the best thing that could have happened to me. I still struggle day to day with my anxiety, my mood and generally feeling up and motivated but I can assure you that going to see someone for a twenty minute session where they plot your mood/anxiety’s on and graph and say things like “see, look that’s not that bad its only up a little” and “that’s normal, everyone’s fluctuates like that”. I mean, well thanks I guess…
Don’t get me wrong I can get worked up quite easily, especially when writing so bare with me here. In all honestly am grateful for the perspective I gained whist attending therapy because for me it allowed me to look at myself In different ways, I had already gathered all the tools I needed from the self help clinic and the sessions spent looking at graphs, I just didn’t realise yet because I was so focused on feeling better and concerned to how “these people” where going to help me, I forgot to put any thought into helping myself. Forgot to believe in myself and gave my self no credit, ignoring all but my feelings and emotions that ruled my life making my blind to the help others where trying to give.
Going against my anxious self felt so dreadful, gave me the sweats and made me physically sick but I had to battle it. I had to get myself committed and focus on my own as I am not a fan of prescription medication so I stopped taking them. It is and probably will be difficult every day and for a while to come but dedication in the right areas can make all the difference.
Whats next Getting back, Getting going …
stay Lucid people
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